Dear Ashton: This morning I’ve been thinking about a new friend that I’ve made over the few months. She’s fun, successful in her career, giving, very nice and in my age group. BUT she will have affair with married men; this part does bother me since my ex cheated on me. So my question is should this be a deal breaker for a friendship or not?
– Newfound Friend
Dear Newfound Friend: This is such a great question, and I can understand the dilemma you feel about choosing to end or continue a friendship with this person. On one hand, you have found a person who you enjoy spending time with and have strong common interests. She seems like a fun person to be around and someone who would be a great friend…”if.”
It is the “if” that is the deal breaker. Whenever there is an “if” or “but” when describing a relationship, serious issues follow. The fact that she will have affairs with married men disturbs you on a deeper level, and for good reason. This is because you understand the consequences of her actions first-hand and know the damage it does to an entire family. Someone who can callously enter into affairs with married men and carelessly destroy the covenant between a husband and wife is someone who does not respect any relationship. Unfortunately, your friend does not respect the most sacred bond between two people on earth, and this is a reflection of her character. Yes, she may appear fun, caring, and giving, but there is something much darker going on in her life. There is definitely something wrong with her conscious to be able to participate in adultery and act as if nothing is wrong.
So, the short answer is yes, it should be a deal breaker for the friendship. She does not have the capacity to be a good friend to you, and you being her friend co-signs her behavior. Overlooking her adulterous behavior because of the other benefits of the friendship is condoning the adulterous behavior. That is the source of angst you feel over the relationship. It is best to walk away, and if she asks you why tell her the truth. It just may be what she needs to hear to evaluate her life and make changes.