Lately I have been hearing more and more about relationship disappointments and the struggles of single women who desire marriage. My heart has great love for these women because I was once in the same situation and desired nothing more than a loving, honorable, Godly husband to be with me and my daughter. I would dream of the day that we were all in our home together and I had that strong man to lean on, support me, encourage me, love me or just sit in the living room folding clothes while watching Family Feud (yes, we do this!). So yes, I understand the struggle, but I also know that there is way to have what you want.
A common theme in the stories I hear mostly revolve around women getting involved with men that they should have avoided in the first place. It is true that you cannot do the wrong thing well enough to succeed. That does apply to relationships. Recognize this as truth – please. If you are continually experiencing disappointment in relationships because men will not commit, do not have life goals that you are comfortable partnering with, or are just simply on a different course than you, then the issue is the selection process. Own that. Yes, own it. I know, its not easy or pretty to own, but it’s the first step to making better decisions going forward.
I shared a post on last week listing several things a woman should be definite on before entering any relationship. You can use that list, add to it, or do whatever is necessary to make it yours – but please make a list. Now, this is not a superficial list of abs, money, mansions or any other foolishness like that. This is a master list of characteristics and qualities that are MUSTS in a relationship. Let’s call them the ‘greens fees.’ 🙂 Knowing what you want will go a long way with helping you eliminate and avoid what you DON’T want. You can avoid the heartache, heartbreak, anger, bitterness and sadness that comes with back to back to back broken relationships. Otherwise, these constant hurts will negatively affect your image of men and sow seeds of doubt in your heart about marriage. This is not God’s best for you. Avoid all of this by leaving the RiffRaff alone!
Ok, so the RiffRaff is being left on the curb, avoided like bad credit, and is no longer a distraction. What do you do now? Sit at home alone and do nothing for the next 10 years? Absolutely not. This is where the real work begins. This is where you dig deep into yourself and begin preparing yourself to be the kind of wife that the kind of husband you desire is looking for. Figure out your issues and begin to resolve them. Talk to yourself daily – yes daily. I’ll tell you what I told myself! “I am a good thing and I am found by my husband and he has favor with the Lord.” Begin to carry yourself like a wife – not a girl who anyone can ‘holla at’ and be ‘friends’ and ‘see where this goes.’ No. That is not what you are looking for, right? You are done with the boys. No more RiffRaff. You want a husband. So act like a wife. You will stand out like a diamond in the crowd. Believe me, your husband will find you. He is searching for you right now. He wants you just as much as you want him. This is not a one-sided struggle. He is just as tired of the ‘around the way girls’ as you are of the RiffRaff.
Choose. YOU CHOOSE today to be the wife that your husband is looking for every day. Even when it feels strange, keep doing it. This is a faith act and it will seem strange, but as the vision gets stronger it will become real. I remember when my aunt asked me if I was ever going to get married. I said OF COURSE I AM AND SOON! She asked, ‘Are you dating anyone?’ I answered ‘no, but that doesn’t matter.’ Did I care if she did not understand? No way. And guess what – 12 months from the time I started this process I was happily married to my wonderful husband, and its been almost 12 years now!
One day I’ll share my whole story because it’s a doozey! However, for now I am sharing encouragement. This is not about a 12-step program. Let’s be clear about that. Too often women want to duplicate ‘steps’ instead of duplicating ‘process.’ Do not confuse the two. Choosing the best is about a change in mindset, expectations and self-image to attract the best to you. Today – discard the RiffRaff and CHOOSE the best!