Dear Ashton – Should I Have A Dating “Laundry List” For Men?

Dear Ashton: I recently heard a radio program that was talking about how men and women evaluate differently partners for dating and marriage. They said men’s criteria looks like this:

Dating Guys Wanna Know:

1)Is she FUN to be with–low hassle factor?
2) Is she attractive physically?
3) And for non-religiously convicted men, is she down with casual sex?

Marriage Guys Wanna Know:

1) Is this someone I can trust? Have my back? Be my partner in life, business, ministry, (his work or a work/mission)?
2) Is this someone I can make happy?
3) Is this someone, who as a provider, I will be successful?
4) Is she someone who will be satisfied with what I can provide?

My question is… what questions or criteria should women have in mind when evaluating suitor?

– Suitor Selection

Dear Suitor Selection: This is an excellent question! Deciding whom to marry is one of the most important decisions a woman will ever make in her life. Taking the time to think about what is desired in a marriage, and knowing the qualities in a mate that would enhance your life is well worth the effort. First, it makes you more focused in the selection process so you can identify what you want. Second, it keeps you from pursuing relationships with individuals who do not meet your qualifications. Knowing what you want (and do not want) beforehand helps to avoid making poor, emotionally driven decisions. Let’s be honest. Irrational emotional decisions lead to most of the relationship disasters we experience. Too many women blindly run into relationships with men only to find out too late that they are completely incompatible. Women can set themselves up for success and stop wasting precious time by working smarter, not harder.

So women, what should we be looking for? What criteria should we use when evaluating a potential suitor who just may become a mate? There are core essentials that every woman should look for because they are foundational to any successful relationship. The criteria listed below is not for the casual dater or faint at heart. This list is for women who are seriously ready for marriage and want to ensure they are making the wisest decisions possible.

Can You Trust Him?
Trust is the bedrock of a relationship. Women should take this one very seriously. If a person is not trustworthy, then everything else is on extremely shaky ground. Trust is required to feel safe and secure in a relationship. The number of women who justify and rationalize relationships with men they do not trust surprises me. No reason is good enough to justify a relationship with someone who cannot be trusted.

Can He Lead?
Leadership ability is a quality that lends great strength to a relationship. Can he handle pressure, make important decisions, manage finances, and pray for his family? These are valid questions. A man should be confident in his ability to lead his family.

Does He Have Drive?
A man with drive and ambition is focused on a vision for his life. This means that he has a sense of purpose and is willing to work to achieve his goals. This is a priceless asset. Choosing wisely at the start will make you much happier with the end results.

Is He Selfless?
This speaks to his actions and the motives behind the actions. Does this person give freely or does there seem to be strings attached to the things he does for you and others? Be sensitive in this area and listen. If it seems something is ‘off’, trust your instincts and walk away. You will be very glad you did.

Does He Believe?

If you are a Christian, then your potential suitor should be a Christian as well. Having solidarity in spiritual beliefs that guide your life has immeasurable rewards. This will affect how you live every area of your life, and it is too important to compromise.  

Are You Spiritually Compatible? 
If you are a Christian, then your potential suitor should be a Christian as well. The importance of having  a strong solidarity in spiritual beliefs to guide your life is immeasurable

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