Dear Ashton – Wife Struggles To Put Husband Before Their Children

Dear Ashton: As a Christian, it is easy for me to put God first in my life, but after first place I struggle with second and third places… my spouse and my kids. My husband puts me before the kids, but I struggle with putting him before our kids. How do I keep the right order i.e. 1st – God, 2nd – Spouse, 3rd – kids?

— Mrs. Family Order

Dear Family Order: This is an area of concern for many married women, so you are not alone. Finding a balance between husband and children is much easier said than done. It may take some creative thinking to make your husband feel special and focus on your romantic relationship. It takes a lot of energy to keep up with the constant demands of raising a family. Often our husband gets whatever is leftover, and that can be next to nothing. We should acknowledge the struggle and not become offended when our husbands bring up the subject. Listen, and ask him to help you help him. Making him feel heard goes a long way.

Now, that was the general overview! Let’s talk some specific solutions. Plan a date night and stick to it – even if it is dinner together after the kids are asleep and a Netflix movie. Be rested, engaged and ready for how date night ‘ends’ J  Create a schedule for the children and ensure they are in bed early enough to give you two time to talk and reconnect nightly – about an hour. Tell him often that you love and appreciate him. These simple adjustments will make a huge difference in your relationship. Husbands understand that the majority of our time will be committed to the children, especially when they are young. However, they want us to make quality time for them to show they are a priority. Having that one-on-one time will make you feel better too! Quality over quantity is the key!

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